Self-harm.
You don’t have to cope alone.
More and more young people, especially teenage girls, are struggling with self-harm. It is usually a sign that someone is going through something really painful. This guide helps young people, parents and carers understand self-harm, respond with care, and find support in London, Essex and Kent.
Samaritans 116 123 · Text SHOUT to 85258 · Childline 0800 1111
You deserve support today.
If you are hurting yourself, thinking about it, or feel unable to keep yourself safe, please reach out now. You won’t be judged, and you don’t need to explain everything at once.
999 If someone is seriously hurt or in dangerOr go to your nearest A&E. For urgent mental health support any time, call NHS 111 and choose option 2.
Free, confidential and open now
- Samaritans: call 116 123, any time, day or night
- Shout: text SHOUT to 85258, any time
- Childline: call 0800 1111 if you’re under 19
- Papyrus HOPELINE247: call 0800 068 4141 or text 07860 039967 if you’re under 35 and having thoughts of suicide
Not ready to talk? Tell one person you trust, such as a friend, family member, teacher or youth worker, that you’re struggling.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm is when someone hurts themselves on purpose. It can take many forms and can happen at any age, but it is most common among teenagers.
Self-harm is usually a way of coping with feelings that seem too much to handle, not an attempt to end life. But it is always a sign that someone is in real distress, and it can be very dangerous. Some people who self-harm also have thoughts of suicide, so it should always be taken seriously.
It is not attention-seeking. Most young people who self-harm try hard to hide it, and many feel ashamed. What they need is understanding and support, not judgement.
Why we’re talking about it.
Hospital figures only show a small part of the picture, because most self-harm never reaches hospital. But they show how many young people, especially girls, are struggling.
Understanding why.
There is rarely just one reason. Self-harm is often linked to overwhelming emotions and difficult experiences. Some young people describe it as a way to feel in control, to express pain they can’t put into words, or to escape feeling numb. The relief doesn’t last, and the feelings underneath remain, which is why support matters so much.
School and exams
Feeling under constant pressure to achieve, or worrying about the future.
Bullying and friendships
Being bullied in person or online, falling out with friends, or feeling left out.
Social media
Comparing yourself to others, online abuse, and seeing harmful content that makes self-harm seem normal.
Body image and identity
Struggling with how you look, your sexuality or gender identity, or discrimination.
Difficult experiences
Abuse, neglect, sexual violence, loss or grief, or problems at home.
Anxiety, depression and more
Low mood, anxiety, loneliness, eating difficulties, or feeling empty or numb.
Teenage girls may be more affected because of a mix of pressures, including appearance, social media, sexual harassment and online abuse, and being more likely to experience anxiety and depression. Boys self-harm too, but are less likely to ask for help.
Social media and harmful content.
Some online spaces share self-harm images, hashtags and “challenges” that can make it seem normal, or even encourage it. Algorithms can push more of this content to people who are already struggling.
Under the Online Safety Act, social media sites must now protect children from content that promotes self-harm. Encouraging someone to seriously harm themselves is a crime, with up to 5 years in prison.
If you see harmful content, report it to the platform, and don’t share it. If it’s upsetting you, take a break, mute or unfollow, and talk to someone.
Signs to look out for
Many young people hide self-harm. These signs don’t always mean someone is self-harming, but they show someone may need support.
Physical signs
- Unexplained injuries, often with excuses
- Covering arms or legs, even in hot weather
- Avoiding PE, swimming or changing in front of others
Emotional signs
- Low mood, tearfulness or anger
- Seeming numb, hopeless or withdrawn
- Talking about being a burden or wanting to disappear
Changes in behaviour
- Spending a lot of time alone
- Changes in sleep or eating
- Losing interest in friends, school or hobbies
If you’re struggling.
You are not weak, broken or alone. Lots of young people have felt like this and found ways through with support.
Tell someone
- Choose someone you trust: a friend, parent, teacher, youth worker or GP
- If saying it out loud feels too hard, write it down or send a message
- You can contact Childline, Shout or Samaritans without giving your name
- You don’t have to stop straight away to ask for help
Things that can help in the moment
- Text or call someone, or a helpline
- Go somewhere safe where other people are around
- Slow your breathing: breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6
- Ground yourself: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch
- Move, go for a walk, play music, draw or write how you feel
- Try the free Calm Harm app, designed with young people
For parents and carers.
Stay calm. Finding out can be frightening, upsetting or make you feel guilty. Try to stay calm in front of your child, and get support for yourself too.
Listen without judgement. Thank them for telling you. Ask how they’re feeling, rather than focusing on the injuries. Let them know you love them and want to help.
Don’t make them promise to stop. Stopping suddenly can be very hard, and promises can lead to hiding it. Focus on getting support for the feelings underneath.
Get help together. Make sure any injuries are checked by a GP, pharmacist or A&E if needed. Speak to your GP about support, contact the YoungMinds Parents Helpline, or refer to your local children’s mental health service.
Ask about suicide. If you’re worried, ask directly and calmly whether they are thinking about suicide. Asking does not put the idea in their head, and it can help them open up.
Where to get help.
Free and confidential support for young people and families in London, Essex and Kent.
Talk now, 24/7
Samaritans
Someone to talk to, day or night, about anything you’re going through.
116 123Visit website →Text · 24/7Shout
Free, confidential text support with a trained volunteer.
Text SHOUT to 85258Visit website →Under 19s · 24/7Childline
Free, confidential support by phone, online chat or email.
0800 1111Visit website →Under 35s · 24/7Papyrus HOPELINE247
For young people having thoughts of suicide, and anyone worried about a young person.
0800 068 4141 · text 07860 039967Visit website →Urgent mental health · 24/7NHS 111, option 2
Urgent mental health support for people of any age in England, any time.
111, then option 2Visit website →Under 25sThe Mix
Free, confidential support for young people about mental health and more.
Text THEMIX to 85258Visit website →Self-harm support
Alumina (selfharm.co.uk)
A free 7-week online support group for young people struggling with self-harm, led by trained counsellors. No one can see or hear you.
Sign up →Free appCalm Harm
An app developed with young people to help manage the urge to self-harm, with activities and a safety plan.
Visit website →InformationHarmless
Information, support and resources for people who self-harm and those who support them.
Visit website →For parents and carers
YoungMinds Parents Helpline
Advice for parents and carers worried about a child’s mental health. Monday to Friday, 9:30am to 4pm, plus webchat.
0808 802 5544Visit website →Worried about a childNSPCC Helpline
Advice if you are worried about a child’s safety or wellbeing.
0808 800 5000Visit website →Your GPTalk to your GP
Your GP can check any injuries, talk about support, and refer to local children’s mental health services.
Find a GP →London
Havering CAMHS (NELFT)
NHS children’s mental health service. Young people and families can refer themselves online.
Self-refer →North east London · ages 11 to 19Kooth
Free, anonymous online counselling and chat for young people in Havering and across north east London.
Visit website →Urgent · 24/7NHS 111, option 2
Urgent mental health support in Havering and across London, any time, day or night.
111, then option 2Visit website →Essex
EWMHS (NELFT)
Emotional Wellbeing and Mental Health Service. Young people can refer themselves. Weekdays 9am to 5pm. Out of hours: 0300 555 1201.
0300 300 1600Visit website →Essex · ages 11 to 18Kooth Essex
Free, anonymous online counselling and support across Essex, Southend and Thurrock.
Visit website →Kent
Kent CYPMHS (NELFT)
Single Point of Access for children’s mental health services. Monday to Friday, 8am to 6pm. Out of hours: Mental Health Direct, 0300 555 1000.
0800 011 3474Visit website →Kent & Medway · 24/7Release the Pressure
Free, confidential text support for anyone in Kent and Medway who is struggling.
Text KENT to 85258Visit website →Kent & Medway · ages 10 to 25Kooth
Free, confidential online mental health support and chat.
Visit website →Sources
- Nuffield Trust: Hospital admissions as a result of self-harm in children and young people
- NELFT: Call NHS 111 option 2 for urgent mental health support
- Online Safety Act 2023: encouraging serious self-harm offence
- selfharm.co.uk: Alumina
- Zero Suicide Alliance: Support for young people
- Essex County Council: YoungMinds Parents Helpline
- NELFT: Havering CAMHS, age 11 to 18
- NELFT: Essex EWMHS
- Kelsi: Kent children and young people’s mental health service
- Samaritans: If you see worrying content online
This guide is for general information and does not replace medical advice. Service details were checked in October 2026 and may change. If someone is seriously hurt or in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
