Start a career in horse racing with program for young people from ages 16 to 22, check out their website for more information. Horse racing is all inclusive with pathways towards many opportunities, you would be surprised at how many different careers are in this wonderful world.
The British Racing School are keen to speak to young people, not sure what to say, then drop us a line and we will work with you to make the right introductions.
Remember, the opportunities are there you just need to follow them …
APPRENTICESHIP: It’s an important decision, and getting it right will kick-start your career. If you think an apprenticeship might be right for you, no matter what career path you want to follow, you need to do your research.
What is the apprenticeship and job role – does it fit what you’re looking for?
Find out about the employer – is it the type of company you want to work for?
Find out about the training provider, college, or university where you could be studying.
What qualifications, subjects, and grades are they looking for?
What essential and desirable skills and experience do they ask for, and what qualities are they are looking for in applicants?
For you, what are the three most and least positive aspects of this apprenticeship or job opportunity?
EXPLORE INDUSTRIES
Interested in an apprenticeship but not sure what you want to do? Get to know the different industries offering apprenticeships, from marketing to architecture and business management to engineering.
Copy and paste the link in the table below to learn about the industry.
FINDING THE RIGHT APPRENTICE EMPLOYER
Research the following:
Their website – if they ask “Have you looked at our website?” in an interview, you want to answer “Yes.” Try to get a sense of who they are, and what their priorities are
Progression opportunities – what happens after your apprenticeship? Is there scope to progress?
Apprentice scheme staff – if you can find out who runs the apprenticeship scheme, try and find out more about them. Consider even contacting them to get your questions answered
Former apprentices – see if you can find out what previous years apprentice graduates have gone on to do. Does that appeal to you?
Location – Does the job require you to work in different locations, or would you need to move away from home?
Meet Adrian who is Empowering Young Minds Through Sport & Mentorship
With over 10 years of experience working with children and young people, Adrian is a dedicated coach, mentor, and motivational speaker passionate about improving well-being, confidence, and self-worth. Whether it’s supporting students through anxiety and behavioural challenges or motivating young people to reach their full potential, he brings an empathetic, energetic, and engaging approach to every session.
Experience & Expertise
As the Head Coach at The Little Runners Sports in Schools Limited, Adrian has successfully led a team of sports coaches, delivering high-quality school programs including multi-sports clubs, holiday camps, and mentoring services for children needing extra support. He has a strong track record of building positive relationships with students, parents, and teachers, ensuring young people receive the guidance and encouragement they need to thrive.
Beyond coaching, Adrian is a motivational speaker and family mentor, delivering inspirational talks and tailored 1:1 coaching on mental well-being, resilience, and personal growth. Through sports and mindset coaching, he empowers young people to overcome challenges, stay motivated, and believe in their own abilities.
Qualifications & Commitment to Safeguarding
To ensure the highest standard of support and care, Adrian holds multiple CPD-certified qualifications in mentoring, behavioural management, domestic violence awareness, and child safeguarding. He is also Enhanced DBS checked and holds a Level 2 Diploma in Sports Science Coaching.
A strong advocate for youth development, blending sports, mentorship, and personal coaching to create meaningful impact.
Experienced in working with schools, families, and community organisations to deliver engaging and supportive programs.
Passionate about helping young people build confidence, resilience, and life skills through sports, education, and positive reinforcement.
Adrian’s mission is simple, to inspire, empower, and uplift young people, helping them realise that they are capable of achieving greatness.
What is? Communicating change is an initiative designed to enable the greatest amount of change for individuals and their wider communities.
This is an opportunity to bring together a collective of professionals and young people to look at improved ways of managing and maintaining specific aspects of safety to produce solutions to the increase in serious youth violence and mental health challenges.
The initiative will also focus on best practices and working together in collaboration moving forward.
A special Thank You to Park View School for facilitating this event
A multi organisational event to address the impact of serious youth violence and mental health
We are constantly hearing the same narrative when it comes to "knife crime" and sadly nothing is changing! with the rise in county lines, grooming and criminal exploitation in a post covid world we feel bringing interested groups together is an effective approach to finding a host of solutions that can help to benefit young people and the wider communities that they live in.
The approach here is a specific focus on solutions and not the problem.
The challenges are not just a Tottenham problem, but a there is clearly a pandemic of issues across London and the home counties.
For change we must collaborate and share best practices in order to produce a new approach to managing topics such as serious youth violence and grooming.
We are inviting community leaders, local authority and statutory organisations to join us on an open forum to help find solutions that will benefit all moving forwards.
Yes, there are Grassroots organisations working in isolation, tackling some of the hardest to reach young people. There are also specific organisations and charities that are at the forefront of change. However, a unified approach is needed to make sure that moving forwards enables an approach that sees organisations actively working as one to reinforce the change we need.
Young People's opinions matter
The panel and young people are invited to explore best practices that can be used by all when working together. The young people will also be from a cross section of the Tottenham community and will have strong links to the local schools and current services available to them.
The event will also be screened virtually to expand on the audience capacity.
There will also be a live Q&A that can be accessed by mobile device.
Janet Hills MBE
Community
Janet Hills MBE became the first female Chair of the Metropolitan Black Police Association in 2013 and was the National President of the NBPA from 2015-17. Her career in the London Metropolitan police service began at Brixton Police Station in 1991 and includes time in the Criminal Investigation Department (CID), the Community Safety Unit and the Human Trafficking Unit.
She grew up in Croydon, her parents are Jamaican. In her spare time Janet is a netball coach. She is also a non executive trustee with St Giles Trust.
She was awarded an MBE in the New Year’s Honours list 2021 for services to Policing and to Community Relations.
Gwenton Sloley
Community
Independent candidate Gwenton Sloley is campaigning to be elected as the next Mayor of Hackney, he campaigns under the Hackney People Before Profit banner, wants to see more help for people suffering from the last two years.
“The whole community needs access to trauma support,” he said.
As one of the founders of the London Gang Exits programme, he works to help keep young people from getting involved in crime.
He arrived in Hackney from Jamaica and grew up on Gunton Road in Stoke Newington.
Anthony Peltier
Education
Special Constable Anthony Peltier is a real life community champion and hero. A Head Teacher by day and a Met Assistant Chief Officer by night, working on the London streets for the last 20 years as a police special.
Not only is he an amazing community champion but he is also the recipient of a Binny Award for his act of bravery and Pride Of Britain award, and for the record he is one of life’s true gentlemen.
Raised on the Kingsmeade Estate in Hackney, one of the roughest estates possible, Anthony knew hardship from the very start of his life.
Lynette Charles
MIND Haringey
CEO of Mind in Haringey, where for the past 5 years she has used her extensive knowledge and experience of Mental Health and Wellbeing to lead Mind in Haringey from near closure to a position of not just surviving but thriving!
Cost of living increases will result in more young children being criminally exploited.
As we head into a 28% increase in gas prices and 19% increase in electricity prices, low-income households will spend a larger proportion than average on energy and food. This will mean ‘groomers’ will target vulnerable children from families trying to make ends meet.
In late 2019, criminal exploitation was the most prevalent type of exploitation among children with 2,544 children identified as potential victims. 93% of these children were boys – an increase in the proportion of boys identified as potential victims of criminal exploitation at the beginning of 2019.
Across all exploitation types, 78% of children identified as potential victims were boys – again, an increase in the number of male victims compared to figures for early 2019. Increased understanding of child criminal exploitation is likely to be a significant driver for the higher number of UK national boys identified. This is due to professionals and institutions now recognising young males involved in supplying drugs and other criminal activities as victims rather than treating them as offenders.
Criminal exploitation is child abuse where children and young people are manipulated and coerced into committing crimes. These include:
· Children as young as eight years old being used to carrying drugs strapped to their bodies.
· Children being used to carry loaded weapons
· Children being forced to work in cannabis factories
· Children being used to move drugs and money across the country
· Children being forced to shoplift and pickpocket
· Children forced to bully other young peoplr
How would you know if your child is being criminally exploited?
Frequently absent from school and performing badly
Going missing from home, staying out late and travelling for unexplained reasons
In a relationship or hanging out with someone older than them
Being angry, aggressive or violent
Being isolated or withdrawn
Having unexplained money and buying new things
Wearing clothes or accessories in gang colours or getting tattoos
Using new slang words
Spending more time on social media and being secretive about time online
Making more calls or sending more texts, possibly on a new phone or phones
Aaron Blair – Footballer, Role Model, and Youth Unity Advocate
Aaron Blair is a talented and dedicated footballer who currently plays as a striker, most recently making his mark at Braintree Town, where he scored 20 goals and provided five assists during a standout season that helped drive the club’s promotion-winning campaign.
Aaron began his footballing journey through the apprenticeship scheme at Dagenham & Redbridge, spending three seasons at Victoria Road. It was during this time that he first joined Braintree Town on loan a move that became permanent in October of last year due to his exceptional performance and potential.
More than just an athlete, Aaron is a passionate advocate for youth empowerment. As a long-standing family friend of Youth Unity’s founder, Shirley Jackson, Aaron brings a personal connection and shared vision to our work. He understands the challenges young people face and is committed to using his platform to inspire, support, and guide others toward positive futures both on and off the pitch.
Helping Children and Young People to Make Sense of Distressing News
As a global community, we have faced a turbulent few years, ruled chiefly by the COVID-19 pandemic and the restrictions it brought. Now as we enter Spring 2022, the recent Russian invasion of Ukraine has taken over media attention and national concern. We live in a time of constant news streams and updates. It’s hard not to be filled with uncertainty and heartache every time you switch on the television or look at your phone. While we are all struggling to cope with the news, it is especially concerning for children and young people.
To help you guide those in your care through this uncertain time, our online safety experts have created this support for parents, carers, teachers, and safeguarding professionals. You’ll find a synopsis of important terms and questions, as well as our top tips for helping children and young people cope with distressing news.
What is the Russian invasion of Ukraine?
On February 24, 2022, Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered his military forces to begin an invasion of neighbouring country Ukraine. This is an escalation of the Russo-Ukrainian war that began in 2014 after a pro-Russian president of Ukraine was removed from office and Russian soldiers seized Crimea.
Since the invasion, there has been worldwide condemnation of Putin and his supporters. Protests have spread across the world (with protests in Russia resulting in arrest from police forces) as international support for Ukraine grows. Heavy sanctions(penalties to trade, sporting, and economic goods that are put in place by international leaders to try and pressure other leaders to a conduct agreement) have triggered a financial crisis in Russia, which has led Putin to put Russia’s nuclear forces on ‘high alert’ and has increased global fears of a nuclear war. Over 2 million Ukrainian citizens have fled their country. Thousands are suspected dead, with estimates expected to be higher. Many are trapped without access to necessities or medical aid. Recently, a maternity and children’s hospital was hit by a Russian airstrike resulting in multiple injuries and casualties.
Live reports are coming in every few minutes. Major news networks have constant news updates available for the public to see, despite difficulties in confirming news reports. However, the news is not the only avenue reports are appearing on. Social media is full of harrowing imagery and stories to encourage global support of Ukraine. While this is done to raise awareness of the atrocities happening in Ukraine, some of this content is extremely distressing. It’s worth nothing that if a child or young person engages with these posts on social media, the algorithms in place on these platforms will show them more.
How children react to distressing world events
While the recent news is upsetting and worrying for everyone, it is not the first disruptive event to affect the children and young people in your care. They have spent over two years adapting to a pandemic. They have endured lockdowns being isolated from their friends and family. They may even have lost loved ones during this time. Experts have warned that these events alone would have a significant impact on the mental wellbeing of children and young people going forward. If someone in your care is struggling, they might be:
Fixated, spending more time on phones or tablets to stay ‘up to date’.
Anxious, especially about future plans or dreams.
Irritable, over-reacting to minor inconveniences or issues.
Withdrawn, not engaging with their friends, school, or extracurriculars.
Distracted, with disruptions to regular eating, sleeping, or personal hygiene habits.
Obsessive, thinking over every circumstance and talking about possible outcomes.
Pessimistic, sharing a more negative or hopeless outlook on life.
Why is it important to talk to children and young people about what’s happening?
Children and young people are naturally curious. They want to know about what is going on in the world as much as they want to know the latest TikTok trend. Even if you try to limit the content they consume, they will inevitably hear about big world events from various outlets, such as television, social media, friends, family, and school environments. They might even overhear something from one of your conversations! If it’s what everyone is talking about, their interest in the topic increases.
This wide variety of sources makes it difficult to validate information and know what content the young person in your care is viewing. If you don’t acknowledge any questions or concerns they may have, they could ‘fill in the gaps’ with the wrong information. This might cause further anxiety, ignorance, or worrisome behaviour. Educating those in your care yourself is important to assure they know how to process news reports on their own with critical thinking and media literacy skills.
Some children may be curious, but not worried. Others may be uninterested in what is happening. Whether your child asks you about it or you bring it into conversation, remember to stay calm, listen to them, and reassure them that you are there if they need support or further guidance.
Top Tips for how to talk to children and young people about war
Every child is different. Their ability to process information will depend on their age, character, and resilience. As their guardian, you have to decide how much you share. You will know them best, but assessing their abilities can help you choose the level of information you share with them. For example, if you are a parent or carer of a young child who is prone to anxiety, start off with simple statements about the event while continually reassuring your child that they are safe and you are here for them. It’s important to:
Acknowledge their concerns. Don’t deny what is happening or negate their worries by telling them it will ‘all blow over soon’. Instead, tell them their concern is completely understandable and that you want to discuss it with them.
Be honest. While it is up to you as their guardian to protect them, it’s important that you refrain from lying in your responses or ignoring any questions or thoughts your child has. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer. This allows you to open up a discussion with your child. You could even suggest seeking the answer together!
Ask them how they are getting their news. Having a discussion around trustworthy news sources and how difficult it is to confirm things during times of conflict might be helpful. Holding yourself to this standard is important as well! Be mindful of any news playing in your house and how you are conducting your own conversations.
Validate their feelings. It is likely these emotions are complex and confusing for them to deal with. Remind them that, in this situation, feelings like this are normal.
Listen to them. No matter how worried or anxious you are, they will look to you for reassurance. Set your feelings aside and give the young person in your care the attention and space they need to feel heard.
Encourage them to limit their news intake. If they feel they are unable to look away from their phone or if they see something upsetting on their tablet, suggest they switch it off. If this isn’t realistic, advise them to only check news sources 1-2 times per day.
Discuss what you are grateful for as a family. This could be around the dinner table or during morning drives to school. If a young person in your care seems to struggle with guilt, remind them that they have nothing to feel guilty about – just things to be thankful for! Suggest researching places that are taking in donations to bring to refugees or other ways to help the crisis in a local capacity.
Use your words and actions to support them.Your reactions to their reactions are key to helping those in your care feel protected and loved. Tell your child you love them. Give them hugs or hold their hand. Allow them space when they need it, but remind them that you are here for them.
We know it can be difficult to decide what to share and how to respond. Remember – it’s important to remain calm, open, and honest with those in your care regardless of their age. Below, you’ll find some examples of questions you may receive about the recent Russian invasion of Ukraine. Our online safety experts have crafted some examples of appropriate answers to help you frame what you would like to say.
If you’re a parent or guardian of minors, you’re aware of the many digital dangers your kids face. Maybe you’ve heard other parents mention that they use parental controls or Internet filters to control what their kids do with their devices, but you’re not sure how to start looking for software for your family.
I’ll share with you the criteria to look for when choosing parental control and Internet filtering software
The Threats
When kids have their own devices, especially those with Internet access, there’s a good chance they’ll try to use them in ways that are against your wishes, or are outright dangerous. Here are just a few of the challenges you face:
Your kids may visit websites that contain malware that could harm their device and even other connected devices.
Your kids may access illegal content, such as pirated music and movies, and illegal forms of porn.
Your kids may communicate with people who mean them harm, such as cyber bullies and Internet predators.
Your kids may use apps you don’t approve of.
Your kids may view websites, images, videos, and other content you don’t approve of.
Your kids may send and receive messages you don’t approve of, such as sexual or hateful messages.
Your kids may spend more time using their devices than you want them to.
Your kids may use their devices without your supervision, whether at home or outside it.
The parental controls built into devices and apps may not limit your kids as much as you’d like.
How To Choose Parental Control and Internet Filtering Software
Parental control and Internet filtering software can help. Parental controls refer to software that allows a parent to control what their child can do with a device which may include limiting screen time, disallowing apps, or filtering content. Internet filtering refers to disallowing access to particular websites, images, videos, and other content.
Parental controls is a broad term that encompasses various controls, one of which is Internet filtering.
There’s a wide variety of parental control and Internet filtering software, so you may feel overwhelmed when you start looking for options. I’d like to make your search easier by telling you what criteria to look for. Here are 16 questions to ask about the software you’re considering:
1. What devices does it work with?
Make sure the software works with the devices you intend to use it on. For the sake of simplicity, it’s best to use the same parental control software for as many devices as you can. So, consider all the devices your kids use, and what operating system (OS) they run.
Major operating systems (Windows, macOS, iOS, Android) have parental controls built-in, though they don’t provide as many features as third-party parental control software. But, native parental controls can operate at a deeper level, and third-party software may be limited by the operating system, at present or in the future.
One thing to keep in mind when choosing devices for your kids: iOS, the OS on iPhones, is more secure and private than Android, but Apple limits what third-party parental controls and Internet filters can do. So, depending on the parental control features you want, and the software you choose, you may want to consider Android devices for your kids.
2. What apps can it monitor or control?
Parental control software differs in which apps they’re able to monitor or control. Pay attention to the list, and ensure the ones you care about are included.
Pay special attention to social media, messaging, and dating apps.
If you want to monitor or control calls and messages, think beyond regular phone calls and text messaging; kids often use third-party apps for calls and messaging (e.g. WhatsApp).
3. Will it work outside my home network?
For a desktop computer or a laptop that rarely leaves your home, parental control software that works only when the device is connected to your home network may be fine, but for any mobile devices that are used outside your home, you’ll want software that will work outside your home network.
For example, OpenDNS provides free or paid web filtering, but it only works on your home network. If you want your kids to be filtered when they’re away from home, or at home but using cellular data rather than your Wi-Fi, you’ll need another solution (instead of, or in addition to, OpenDNS).
4. How granularly can it filter content?
If you want to filter content (websites, message content, etc.), look at how granularly (specifically) it can filter. Some software will block entire websites; others will block webpages within websites; others will block sections within webpages.
There are probably some sites that you don’t want your kids to see any part of, but there are likely other sites that have a lot of content that you’d be fine with them accessing.
The same concept applies to software that filters messages. Do you want the software to block an entire message that contains an objectionable word, or just to block that word?
5. What website categories can be filtered?
If the software filters websites, check the list of categories that can be filtered, to ensure it includes all the categories you want to disallow. A longer list of narrow categories will give you more control than a shorter list of broad categories.
6. How will I monitor my kids’ activity?
If you want the software to monitor your kids’ activity, think about how you want that to work. How quickly do you want to be notified of unapproved behavior? Do you want an immediate alert, or do you just want to review reports from time to time?
7. Does it use a whitelist or a blacklist?
First, a couple of definitions (which you can also find in the Glossary):
Whitelist: A list of approved items. A system that uses a whitelist blocks all items that are not on the whitelist.
Blacklist: A list of disapproved items. A system that uses a blacklist allows all items that are not on the blacklist.
Parental control software may use a whitelist or blacklist to determine what apps can be used. Internet filters may use a whitelist or blacklist to determine which webpages can be accessed.
There are pros and cons to both approaches. Imagine your parental control software uses a blacklist. Say a new inappropriate app comes out, and your kids know about it for a month before the software adds it to its blacklist. Your kids would be able to use it for that month until it’s blacklisted. If the software had used a whitelist, then the app would’ve been blocked.
On the other hand, imagine that your software uses a whitelist. An appropriate app comes out, and your kids are blocked from using it for a month before the software adds it to its whitelist.
Regardless of whether the software uses a whitelist or blacklist, you can see why it’s important that the software provider be frequently updating the list.
8. Does it control screen time? How granularly?
Some parental control software lets you control how much time your kids spend on their devices. Software varies in how granularly you can control the use. On one end of the spectrum is allowing or disallowing a device to be used at all. At the other end of the spectrum is the ability to schedule when certain apps are available, or when the Internet can be accessed.
Make sure the software you choose gives you the controls you want.
9. What browsers does it work with?
If your parental control and Internet filtering software only works with one browser, guess what your kid is going to do? That’s right, use a different browser. Maybe the software will try to prevent that, but it’s better to use software that works with at least all the major browsers.
10. Can it filter HTTPS traffic?
HTTPS creates a secure, encrypted connection between a web browser and a website, to protect transmitted data from eavesdroppers. You’ve seen browsers show web addresses (URLs) starting with https://, and maybe also show a padlock symbol.
Some Internet filtering software can filter HTTPS traffic; others can’t. If it can’t, your kid may be able to get around the filter by using a proxy site. So, it’s better to use software that can filter HTTPS traffic.
11. Can it track my kid’s location?
If you want the ability to remotely track your child’s location, ensure that the software includes that functionality. I recommend researching how the software handles location tracking and sharing, and how it restricts your child’s location info to only you (or authorized users).
12. How will I manage its settings?
See how you manage the software (set restrictions, view reports, etc.). Some give you a mobile app. Others don’t, so you need to use a website or desktop software. Ensure that your software will let you manage it the way you want to.
13. How frequently is it updated?
Because operating systems, apps, and websites are constantly changing, parental controls and Internet filters need to keep up. Ensure that the company updates the software frequently.
14. How easily can my kid get around it?
The world of parental controls and Internet filtering can be a cat-and-mouse game, with your kid trying to find any way around the restrictions. So, you need to be aware of any known ways to get around the software you’re considering.
The company selling the software isn’t likely to tell you this, so you’ll need to search online to find reviews, blog posts, forum posts, etc. Google how to get around [name of software] and how to disable [name of software].
15. How many devices or accounts does it cover?
Parental control and Internet filtering software is licensed in different ways. It can cover one device, multiple devices, or a whole household.
16. What does it cost?
Building on the last point, pay attention to how the software is priced. Is it per device or household? Per month or year? What are the ongoing fees?
Popular Parental Control and Internet Filtering Software
The following parental control and Internet filtering software is frequently mentioned and recommended within the industry, so I’m sharing them with you as a place to start your search.
How to Choose Parental Control and Internet Filtering Software – Final Thoughts
Technology is no substitute for parenting. You can’t rely on software to keep your kids in line. You need to be having conversations with your kids about appropriate and inappropriate behavior online, and the consequences (whether they’re consequences you’ll impose, or are natural consequences of the behavior).
I recommend talking to your kids about the parental controls and filters you put in place. Explain, in terms they can understand, what the software can do. Keep lines of communication open, talking about what they’re experiencing, what you’ve noticed, and what to do about it.
Define what you want parental control and Internet filtering software to do. Start with what you’ve learned in this post. You can refine your requirements list as you learn more about the features of different software.
Look for the software that will work best for you and your kids. Use the 16 questions in this post. Start by looking at the popular software listed above. Take advantage of software demos and trials.
Install and configure the software you selected.
Talk to your kids about the parental controls and filters you put in place. Talk when you put the software in place, as well as regularly after that. Technology is no substitute for parenting.
Regularly evaluate how well the software is working for your family. Adjust the software, and your family’s rules, as necessary.
Net Nanny protects your child against dangerous content and online threats. You can block apps and websites on your child’s device, and get peace of mind with the best parental control software on the market.Check Out Net Nanny
Norton Family helps you supervise your kids’ online activities and protect them against unsuitable content. It helps block inappropriate websites while your kids are surfing the Internet.Check Out Norton Family
Kaspersky Safe Kids gives you an affordable tool to protect your child against online threats. You can also monitor all your child’s devices to block any inappropriate websites.Check Out Kaspersky Safe Kids
Mobicip helps protect your family on the Internet, limit screen time, manage apps, and track your kids’ location/s. You can manage and monitor all family devices from one parent app or dashboard.Check Out Mobicip
KidLogger helps you observe what your kids are doing when they are using their devices. You can monitor their web history, keystrokes, messages, emails, and application usage.Check Out KidLogger
Qustodio provides powerful monitoring tools and parental controls for things like screen time, adult content, and games. It gives parents visibility and creates daily opportunities to talk with kids about their online experiences.Check Out Qustodio
By setting up the Circle content Internet Filter feature, parents can easily select the apps, devices, games, streaming services, and websites that need limitations or restrictions. Then, add filters to each family member’s profile accordingly.Learn More About CircleOur Favorite Parental Controls App
Bark lets you proactively monitor your child’s text messages, emails, and social media accounts for potential safety concerns or privacy threats, so you can save time and gain peace of mind. Use code “DEFEND” for $30 off!Check Out Bark
Hug:To borrow a phrase: love works in mysterious ways. We are born to love and, as it turns out, love and affection are necessary for both optimal positive emotional and physical development. And to be honest, nothing feels better than giving your loved one a warm embrace –or being on the receiving end.
Role of Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter the hypothalamus produces and the pituitary gland secretes. Scientists first identified and observed it in 1906. (1) Oxytocin is essential in the process of childbirth in mammals, stimulating uterine contractions and lactation. Later studies found its role a much deeper and far-reaching one that affects social interaction and bonding between people. Scientists call it “the love hormone“.
As Psychology Today explains “…As a facilitator of bonding among those who share similar characteristics, the hormone fosters distinctions between in-group and out-group members, and sets in motion favoritism toward in-group members and prejudice against those in out-groups. Ongoing research on the hormone is a potent reminder of the complexity of biological and psychological systems.“ (2)Advertisement
This special hormone is present in both sexes, stimulating all aspects of the reproductive process, beginning with trust and sexual arousal. (3, 4) Oxytocin stimulates pleasure and reward centers and is the neurological basis for social bonding, especially with the people closest to you.
The brain rewards us for living with others. (5) Oxytocin increases feelings of trust, which are intrinsic to all close personal relationships. (6)
Humans are Social Animals
Some animals are solitary but humans are not. Social inclusion and interaction are necessary for our survival. This becomes evident when we become socially isolated, starting with depression and often culminating in disease.Advertisement
The neurobiological mechanisms of love and attachment are a wonderful circle: we fall in love, have a baby, raise the child with love and affection, and the child continues the process.
The attraction and bonding between us are the physiological and emotional manifestations of our need to reproduce to perpetuate the species.
What’s more, oxytocin is essential for embryonic brain development (7). More specifically, it plays a role in blood vessel formation in the pituitary gland, which controls several physiological processes such as stress, growth, and reproduction (8).
The brain produces a high level of oxytocin to stimulate labor during pregnancy. After birth, oxytocin is even higher in infants than in mothers.
Additionally, in combination with prolactin (another hormone), oxytocin stimulates milk production for breastfeeding. The levels stay high for mother and baby for as long as the baby nurses.
The chemical reaction that follows is nothing short of amazing:
“Through three different release pathways, oxytocin functions rather like a system activator and often influences the release of other signaling substances such as opioids, serotonin, dopamine, and noradrenaline. Through these activations, different behavioural and physiological effects are facilitated and coordinated into adaptive patterns, which are influenced by the type of stimuli and environmental factors. ”Advertisement
“Oxytocin can be released by activation of several types of sensory nerves [including in the skin]…Light pressure, warmth and stroking contribute to oxytocin release caused by ‘pleasant’ or ‘non-noxious’ sensory stimulation of the skin.” (10)
It is interesting to note that newborns instinctively use their hands in addition to their mouths to stimulate milk flow. This type of skin stimulation promotes the production of oxytocin in the mother for milk release. (11)
Instinctual Parent-Child Bond
A fascinating study of oxytocin in parents with infants found that levels increased where there was a positive interaction with their babies. In addition, increased oxytocin was found in parents who enjoyed positive close relationships with their partners and their own parents, indicating that we pass on the love hormone through positive social interaction.
Interestingly, reduced oxytocin levels in the urine of mothers stressed by parenting and negative interaction with their infants were noted. (12)
Oxytocin Can’t be Replaced
The long-term emotional and societal effects of oxytocin are tangible.
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‘I found out my son was dealing drugs, with my middle class mum friends buying cocaine off boys just like him’
The boy bringing cocaine to the door of Lucy’s* friend looked really young.
“Thanks for your business,” he’d said as drugs and money were exchanged.
It was painful for her to witness.
Not long before she’d discovered her own son had been selling drugs, couriering them to addresses just like this child.
He’d been terrified, trapped in dangerous and illegal work by the older boys who’d recruited him.
“Seeing how young he was and knowing what my son had been through I was making the link between the two,” she told MyLondon.
“My friend’s children are much younger. She’d not made the connection that this young guy here was her son in just a few years’ time.”
Upset, Lucy challenged her friend about funding such an operation, highlighting the boy’s age. But her friend batted it away.
“They’re all really young,” she had replied.
Later that same day, Lucy encountered another acquaintance who was going through some personal turmoil and had been up all night.
“I’m dying for some coke,” she told her in between showing adorable pictures of her children to the other women there.
These events took place, not in a deprived area where drug users are a visible presence, but in a wealthy neighbourhood in West London with clean streets and expensive houses.
The women Lucy described as taking cocaine regularly are part of respectable circles of middle-aged professionals, who blend easily into London’s upmarket coffee shops and artisan bakeries.
They are also a group who totally disconnects their drug use from the trade which is destroying poorer areas of the city and fuelling violence across the capital.
This is the story of how one family was caught in the middle of a West London drugs line with eyes on both the exploited and the customers they serve.
How it started
Lucy’s son was 14 when she noticed he started to change.
“He had eyes like saucers,” she said. “He was aggressive, going out late and not letting me know where he was going. At one point he punched a hole in his bedroom wall.”
There was a lot going on in the family’s life at that time and he was a teenager she reasoned it would be understandable for him to be acting out.
She knew he had been scared of gang activity in the area for while, he was acutely aware of the evidence of the violence it provoked.
“He was constantly worried about blood on the streets and I’m not using that as a metaphor, literally blood on the streets.
“As we’d be walking you’d see blood and say ‘oh, there was a stabbing last night.’”
The multiple forms of modern communication Lucy’s son used to talk with his friends meant he often had details about the crime before they were public too.
“They’ve all got their WhatsApp and TikTok groups and they’re sharing information among themselves,” she added. “They know which gang was involved, who got attacked and if someone’s been arrested.
“So they were hearing the news from their peer group before it even got into the papers.”
The fear was so great there were times that he didn’t want to go to places alone. When that suddenly stopped and he was meeting with friends, there was no reason to think anything was amiss.
Warning signs
One of the first clear signs that her son was getting mixed up in something darker was when he began bringing boys to his house that he seemed to be afraid of.
“I kind of keep an open house,” she continued. “My kids can always bring their friends back. But these boys that he was bringing weren’t like his usual friends.
“They were really monosyllabic and they just brought out an atmosphere with them into the house.
“They’d crash out in the living room and I’d come down in the morning and say isn’t it time they went home, my son would be kind of reluctant to speak to them or ask them to go.”
The boys would smoke inside and generally acted like they owned the place, when it came to Lucy having to kick them out even she felt intimidated.
Another strange thing she noticed was that people would appear outside the house late at night, her son would rush out and hand them something, before going back inside.
When she challenged him about it he said it was just a friend dropping something off.
Then there was the money.
“He suddenly had stack-loads of money,” she continued. “I mean, a 14-year-old kid with £50 notes? That wasn’t pocket money.”
Lucy’s suspicions were confirmed when her partner at the time overheard her son talking with a friend about taking and dealing drugs.
When she confronted him about it the façade he’d been maintaining for months collapsed.
“He went from being kind of a cocky 14-year-old saying ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about mum’ to actually really breaking down, sobbing and saying how he was really scared,” she said.
“When you’re 14 or 15, you’re kind of very grown-up and, at the same time, you’re still a child. He desperately wanted to be tough, but he desperately wanted help.”
Once the silence had been broken Lucy’s son was then able to explain how he’d ended up becoming involved.
Like so many others it started with him being the victim of crime.
How it happened
He was first targeted playing football with friends one evening after school.
“He’d been approached by older boys and they threatened him,” she explained. “He got his phone got stolen at knifepoint and then he was really scared.
“He was frightened to report it to the police, although we eventually did. He then became very scared of gangs.”
Lucy’s son was so afraid he believed he must join one otherwise he wouldn’t be protected.
The frightening thing was that the gateway to that involvement was not necessarily through the strangers that threatened him, it was via longstanding friendships with people she’d known since they were little.
“His friends had started to get involved and friends from his childhood,” she added. “It became almost like the normal thing to do, for him and that age group. And it was cool.”
Although it was better her son had come clean about what was going on, it didn’t make the reality of the situation any less terrifying for Lucy.
The thought of trying to get her son out made her worry about the safety of the whole family.
“We were scared,” she said. “Our house was suddenly potentially on the radar for a whole load of really dodgy people. My other children were also being put at risk.”
So like most people would in this situation, Lucy turned to the authorities for help.
She reached out to a police officer acquaintance because she knew the idea of going directly to the force was terrifying for her son.
But the response she got disturbed her.
“Well, the police will already know,” he told Lucy. “They’ll already know everything about it and have his photo on the wall if he’s involved in cycling around making drops.”
The idea that the police were aware of children acting as couriers for drug dealers and not acting to help was horrifying. But Lucy was somehow not surprised.
“I don’t think anyone in London can deny there’s a bit of a problem with police,” she added with a sigh.
Eventually, she sent her son away to live in a different place altogether, because there was no way out by staying in London.
MyLondon has contacted the Metropolitan Police about its approach to tackling teenage drug dealing and was awaiting a response at the time of publication.
But child dealers were not the only set of drug sellers not being stopped.
Her son’s case has made her more conscious of another group who are able to act with relative impunity because they are middle-aged well-dressed women who no one suspects are selling narcotics.
‘A cocaine-fuelled 50th’
When a friend asked if she could have a 50th birthday at her house Lucy thought nothing of it.
She’d had her own party not that long before and it had been a lot of fun, boozy, but hardly debauched.
On the surface the people who came all held respectable careers. But she soon discovered what bound the middle-aged group together was something more illicit.
“One woman was a marketing director, there were bankers, plumbers, builders and teachers,” she explained. “But the thing that seemed to unite most of them, the real hardcore group, was cocaine.”
Lucy felt naïve to have allowed her to have a party at her house, she eventually ended up shutting things down and kicking them out.
It was the next day she made a disturbing discovery.
“I found a bag which had just a roll of cash in it,” she said. “So I texted her immediately and said, ‘I don’t know whose money it is or what it’s doing here, but it’s nothing to do with me.’
“I just wanted to distance myself, but when you’re in a situation like that what do you do? Call the police? And then they come to my house.”
After that incident, Lucy completely cut off contact with the woman in question.
When she asked why she didn’t want to see her anymore, she told her straight.
“I’m not a dealer, how insulting,” the woman replied.
“You’re selling drugs, that’s dealing that’s what it’s called,” Lucy repeated, but the woman was convinced the term didn’t apply to her.
‘Do you want any class As?’
It was after another party with so-called respectable professionals that Lucy was offered drugs.
“In the summer I went to a party,” she continued.
“It was a bunch of women, academics and journalists and who’ve known each other for years, a lot of us were at university together and we’re all mums.”
Another old friend turned up who she began to suspect might have been under the influence of something stronger than alcohol.
“She didn’t offer anything around that night, but you had a sense that she was [on something],” she said.
“Then two days later, she rang me up and asked me if I wanted any class As.”
“She is a tiny little blonde women who is beautifully dressed and no one would suspect is selling.”
‘Please don’t offer my kids hash’
Lucy pointed out that there is a misconception that as people enter middle age their behaviour suddenly snaps into a conventional stereotype.
Generation X might be in their 40s and 50s, but that doesn’t mean that they’ve cut out the drugs they were doing in the 1990s and 2000s.
If anything they have more funds than they did in their youth to buy drugs that were previously out of their price range.
“People who got into it, quite a lot of them haven’t stopped,” she continued.
“A lot did it in their youth and they’ve continued to take drugs.”
She wonders how they would respond to dealing with the situation she has with her son.
“What do you do if your kids then start selling? Or if your kids start using, if you’re using?” she wondered.
Some parents even go further, attempting to share their drug habits with their children directly.
Lucy has even had to tell friends directly not to offer her children cannabis.
“There’s a line between being a parent and being a cool hipster,” she added.
“You’ve got to grow up when you’re a parent, you can’t be doing all of that stuff. You’ve got to stop.”
‘The perfect customers’
A former drug dealer who MyLondon spoke to for this story said the clientele Lucy’s son and his friends were serving were the “ideal customers”.
“Everyone wants to get them,” they said. “Because no one suspects that they’ll be using drugs.
“I used to have a guy who ran a media company, he’d turn up in a nice car and always bought large amounts of cocaine for a lot of money.
“Coke is a rich person’s drug, it’s easy to deal with the people buying it because they don’t bring the heat on you, they don’t have a criminal record and won’t be being followed by police.”
They explained that the interactions between buyer and dealer were far easier to hide compared to stereotypical users.
“If the police were to come by when you were selling to them they wouldn’t think anything of it,” they added.
“But when you’re dealing with scraggily-looking crackheads and you’re a person of colour it’s very obvious what’s going on.
“The police will also follow those types of users to see where they are going and who they are buying from.”
He added that wealthy cocaine users were particularly common in West London and the dealers serving them often had lots more money than sellers in other parts of the city.
Middle-class crackdown
Middle-class drug users were the target of a double-pronged attack by Prime Minister Boris Johnson and Home Secretary Priti Patel in October.
First Patel announced that the government planned new measures that targeted so-called ‘lifestyle’ users whose numbers were found on dealers’ phones.
“We [will] bring down the harshest possible legal sanctions and consequences for these drug users,” the Home Secretary said.
“Including criminal sanctions, fines, curfews, compulsory drug awareness courses and the removal of their passports.”
This was followed up by the Prime Minister specifically linking the violence in urban areas to the drugs trade which serves more affluent parts of the country.
“We are looking at doing things to tackle those so-called lifestyle drug users who don’t think they are part of the problem. In the end, all the demand is helping to create the problem,” he said at a speech in Liverpool.
Currently, the plans laid out by Patel and Johnson suggest that they will be able to target these users when seizing phones owned by dealers.
The problem is that relies on the luck of landing a device filled with such contacts or incriminating material.
As most people in the trade know, a canny dealer will continue to change numbers and drug lines operate using multiple handsets.
A ‘West London county line’
Wealthy West London users might not have to beg, hustle or steal for their next fix, but that doesn’t mean they are not as wedded in the criminal networks that supply their drugs.
If anything their money makes the machine even better equipped to elude the authorities and further up the chain fill the pockets of organised crime.
It took Lucy aback just how easily her friend was able to summon a teenage drug dealer with cocaine to her door.
“It was like Deliveroo,” Lucy said. “It was as easy as ordering an Uber Eats.”
The process worked the same as a ‘county line,’ using the right code words, her friend navigated her way through several phone calls, dialling one and being be redirected to another until eventually the order was placed.
It’s a method associated with the trade in rural locations, but rather than serving a rural location, this ‘city line’ for rich people in west London.
For Lucy, the knowledge of how any of this worked showed a connection between her friend and the criminal network that was more than “casual”.
“If you actually have the number and you have the code word, next to your Pizza Express delivery, That’s quite a level of being involved,” she added.https://get-latest.convrse.media/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.mylondon.news%2Fnews%2Fwest-london-news%2Fi-found-out-son-dealing-22885910%3Futm_source%3Dtwitter.com%26utm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_campaign%3Dsharebar%26s%3D09&cre=bottom&cip=140&view=web
There might be superficial differences between the ‘scraggily crackhead’ and the wealthy user.
But the only real one that matters is that at the moment the middle-class drug taker gets away with it.
